How to Build a Village

You don’t need friends, you need people.

He goes onto say that in order to recreate the “like-minded, extended families of fifty people or more” we should “join all sorts of organizations, no matter how ridiculous, simply to get more people in his or her life.”

Be the person who asks twice.

Do not say “let me know if there’s anything I can do. Instead, offer them multiple choice options of what you can offer.

Give time horizons. Give people a sense of when you are usually free to increase the odds of things working out.

Join your neighbourhood WhatsApp group.

Get into consistency and rituals. Place-based connections require physically being somewhere and doing the same kinds of things week to week.

Quantity time leads to quality time: What a lot of people miss about this kind of village building is that it takes "quantity time" to get the quality time. People don't ask for help from those who are never in a position to see them when they're vulnerable. It's so easy to turn down an afternoon coffee or a playdate or a girl's game night because it seems so trivial, but those are the times when, in between setting out snacks or playing bunco, you find out what your friends really need. –Bucket Mouse

Before you cancel, have a stern chat with yourself. Is this choice consistent with what you actually want?